


When It's Over

by robinasnyder



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Death Fic, M/M, Samifer Week 2013
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-18
Updated: 2013-10-18
Packaged: 2017-12-29 18:27:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1008603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robinasnyder/pseuds/robinasnyder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lucifer thinks that if the cancer doesn’t get him, that he’ll die laughing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When It's Over

Lucifer thinks that if the cancer doesn’t get him, that he’ll die laughing. It wasn’t like it was a boring human life. It was just that of all things to fell him, it was would be a totally normal human disease. Okay, it was painful. Stomach cancer kept him from eating anything. His vessel was 81 and stick thin because he was starving. 

Lucifer never thought he’d go first. When he first said yes to Sam he imagined living alone for millennia. Then he lost his grace and became human. He still thought he’d live longer than Sam who was always running out to save someone. Lucifer was prepared to live a long, cold, lonely life at the end of his days and then go straight to hell, because even as a human, even with a soul he didn’t think they’d ever let him go home. 

He wasn’t prepared for the pained faces Sam tried to hide. He wasn’t prepared to try and comfort Sam’s tears with weak, shaking hands. He started praying that he would get better just so Sam would stop looking so sad. Then he prayed that Sam would forget him, but Sam had walked in on him praying that prayer and wrung him out mercilessly for it. Now he just prayed that his husband would find someone to spend the next thirty or more years with (Sam was much younger than Nick, after all). 

He feels like everything inside him is made of poison and spiders and fire. The pain is awful. He gave up on chemo a while ago. For all that he couldn’t stand to see Sam’s sad eyes, he couldn’t stand to be so weak and useless that Sam always had to carry him around. Weakly he grips Sam’s hand. 

“I’ll see you again,” Sam whispers. 

Lucifer just smiled because he can’t lie to Sam and even Sam doesn’t believe Lucifer will be able to go to Heaven. 

“Miss you.” 

“You’re not gone yet,” Sam whispers, stroking his head. The pain meds they have Lucifer on are much higher than they should be. Euthanasia can be a wonderful thing. They’ll put him under for the rest of it soon, but this is goodbye. 

“Love you.” 

Sam sniffles, but pulls on a brave face. “I know. I love you too.” 

“’S worth it, Sam.” Lucifer licks his lips. Sam stands slowly and kisses his forehead. Lucifer knows there’s nothing attractive about him right now. He’s old and broken and dying. He smells like death. But Sam keeps touching him. 

“So you’ve told me.” Sam offers a watery smile. 

“Good bye, Sam.” Lucifer smiles and Sam starts to sob. They don’t speak again. It’s too hard and painful for Lucifer, and Sam can’t without sobbing. He’s trying to be brave for Lucifer, but Lucifer knows that Sam’s going to collapse into the waiting arms of his friends and family right outside the door. 

Lucifer watches Sam until the nurse comes in to give him the rest of the drugs. Lucifer prays again. He prays for Sam because Sam needs the help. He prays for himself because he’s scared. He’d laugh at himself if he could. He nearly ended the world and now he’s praying for his own soul like a mere mortal. But then that’s all he is now. 

He turns his head so he can look at Sam, who’s still holding his hand. He watched Sam until his eyes are just too heavy and he can’t keep them open any longer. He just wishes that Sam wasn’t already in tears again before he’s really gone.


End file.
